31 Days of Christmas Movies Marathon: Day 3 – Santa’s Slay

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me… Santa’s Slay

Director David Steiman‘s first and possibly last movie has the distinct honor of falling somewhere in between being so bad it’s good and so bad it’s unwatchable.  That’s about the highest praise I’m willing to give this movie.

The plot, which sounds like it’s going to be ridiculously awesome winds up being only ridiculous.  1,000 years ago Santa, the son of Satan, bet the fate of Christmas on a curling match with an angel of God.  For my non-Canadian friends, curling is basically shuffleboard on ice.  After losing the bet, Santa is forced to spread the spirit of giving and joy to the entire world.  But now that 1,000 years are up he can once again resort back to what truly makes him happy – administering mayhem, misery, and death to all, regardless of who’s been naughty or nice.

I should have known what I was getting myself into from the opening scene where a handful of Hollywood’s B-list (Fran Drescher, Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan) and one former A-lister (James Caan) fall victim to the wrath of a chimney bursting, axe wielding santa (WWE’s Goldberg) doing his best Hawaiian Punch commercial impression.  After the carnage of a prologue what’s left is a cast and crew delivering material worthy of their C-list status.

Aside from a potentially offensive and hilarious killing scene involving a stereotypical Jewish deli owner and a menorah, and one of the best acting performances from a professional wrestler since Rowdy Roddy Piper in John Carpenter‘s They Live this movie is pretty forgettable.  And this is coming from someone who doesn’t smoke a lot of weed, considers his short-term memory to be damn good, and is writing this review only 3 hours after having seen this movie.  Maybe that’s what was wrong with this film – I wasn’t blitzed out of my gourd while watching it.  But if you have to be intoxicated in order to just enjoy a movie, then my DVD collection would be loaded with nothing but Uwe Boll and Rob Schneider movies and I’d be wasted 24-7.

Unless you plan on inviting over some friends and taking a shot for every time Santa slays someone I wouldn’t waste my time with this one.

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Categories: Reviews

One Comment on “31 Days of Christmas Movies Marathon: Day 3 – Santa’s Slay”

  1. November 28, 2011 at 8:38 am #

    I have never seen this film but it is definitely going on my list now!

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