31 Days of Christmas Movies Marathon: Day 13 – White Christmas

Welcome to my 31 Days of Christmas movie marathon.  This is a feature where I watch a different Christmas movie every day from now until Christmas.  The rules are simple: The movie has to be something I haven’t already seen and I must watch at least one Christmas-themed movie a day from now until December 25th.  They’ll be some bad ones and hopefully a lot of great ones.  Why put myself through this?  Because it’s a good way to catch up on a lot of Christmas movies and a good way to satisfy my OCD.

On the 13th day of Christmas my true love gave to me… White Christmas

Gee wiz, White Christmas sure is one hell of a gay old time (insert sarcastic exclamation point here)

Golly, with a whole heap of swell dance routines, I sure was tickled pink.  Why, I’ll betcha there wouldn’t be a single guy from here to Timbuktu that wouldn’t agree with me.  I mean, what’s not to like: Banter, banter, banter followed by singing and dancing, immediately followed by more banter, which then leads to – you guessed it – more singing and dancing.  Oh rapture!  I’m not usually the type of man who gets his jollies from swinging, singing, romancing and dancing, but I sure do know some fellas who work with me down at the market who would be super gassed long after the closing credits from this 2-hour pansy parade have ended.  To each their own, I guess.

The film’s running themes of sappy patriotism and overbearing sentimentality hit me in the gut within the opening minute, as Bing Crosby crooned his eponymous rendition of the now popular holiday carol.  From that point on there was a relentless assault of grandtastacle dance routines, each more painful to sit through than the previous.  Out of all the dance numbers I only found one of them (Danny Kaye‘s first encounter with Vera-Ellen) to be somewhat enjoyable – even exciting.  But after that I was pretty bored.  I couldn’t even take refuge in between the singing and dancing to enjoy plot progression, for that too was dullingly predictable.  At least there were a few long takes to try to make me feel as though I was at a live musical, but even that couldn’t make up for the droning pacing of it all.

I suppose that for some people the thought of this ideal world presented in White Christmas, where closeted white racists dance, put on minstrel shows, sing their troubles away and live happily ever after in their perfect little American dream homes sounds peachy.  Too bad I couldn’t get on board with this, if for no other reason than I know my girlfriend’s family tries to watch this during the holiday season.  So, unless I can convince them to watch Santa Clause Conquers The Martians or A Christmas Story (my go-to Christmas movies) I fear that I will be forced to sit through this weird sappy opus once more.  God help me.

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Categories: Reviews

2 Comments on “31 Days of Christmas Movies Marathon: Day 13 – White Christmas”

  1. Roark
    December 17, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    “…closeted white racists…”
    This says more about your twisted mind than anything else.
    Merry Christmas, you pathetic little dweeb.

    • Adam Cuttler
      December 17, 2011 at 3:57 pm #

      So I offended you, then? I find it amusing that instead of asking what I meant by that sentence you thought it was necessary to resort to name calling. Real mature.

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