SF IndieFest 2013 Opening Night: Faces in the Mirror

facesmirror2paper-star1Dear IndieFest programmer responsible for whatever the hell it is I just spent 45 minutes of my life watching before doing the sensible thing and cutting out of my beloved Roxie Theatre prior to the ending of this movie,

I am writing you this letter to thank you.  In offering this Boyd Tinsley production (Dave Matthews Band‘s fiddle player turned executive producer) as a late addition entry and alternative to the vastly superior and already scheduled Opening Night film, Michel Gondry‘s The We and the I you have reminded me as to why it is I don’t like DMB (Dave Matthews Band) or any other musician(s) whose sound heavily relies on the amplifying aesthetics associated with that dreadful key of whiney self-important broodiness.  It is because of this movie’s existence that I have a newfound appreciation towards ear plugs, cotton balls, those waxy casings used on Baby Bell cheeses, and just about any other worldly object that is small enough to shove into my ears.

Sure, there are plenty of movies with atrocious scores, but none so as painful to sit through as this.  Reason being; the relentless attack of musical snippets that were being blasted over the house speakers in perhaps the most jarring manner possible.  Just as soon as I found myself enough time to digest one of the numerous droning dittys another one would be shoved into my face.

Clearly, this movie wastes no time in its pressing need to strangle every musical vein within my body, and believe me, the musical part of this experience, as bad as it was, might not have even been the worst part.  That honor goes to the ludicrous line readings that were delivered from some of the worst actors on the planet.  I’m talking acting so bad that it would make the entire cast of Howard the Duck, The Room, or, insert the shittiest movie you can think of here, seem like a star-studded Robert Altman film.

Now as for the plot, trust me when I tell you that it doesn’t matter.  Most of the people who are going to see this will already be fan boys/girls of DMB, and judging from the crowd’s reaction – mainly the people directly within my seating area – they seem to have been laughing and snickering at the sheer badness of it all, because I’m quite certain that this in no way is supposed to be a comedic affair.

So, in conclusion, thank you, IndieFest.  Now that I have taken in this sour Opening Night movie I can now better enjoy all the sweetness that your festival will no doubt have in store for me in the coming weeks.

Yours truly,

Adam

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