All Things October: John McTiernan’s “The Hunt for Red October”

polowanie_na_czerwony_pazdziernik_3Come the last two weeks of each month I’ll try to watch as many films as I can that contain the name of the month somewhere within its title. It’s October, so let’s start things off with director John “the Predator (1987) AKA Mr. Die Hard (1988)” McTiernan‘s 1990 film, The Hunt for Red October.

The following review is meant to be sung to the tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’ by the Beatles. I embedded an instrumental version of the song, and my alternate lyrics below, to help you sing along. Enjoy.

In Scotland where he was born
Lived a man named Sean Connery
And he never lost his accent
So why does he play a Russian marine

In a sub, and on the run
Stealth sonar to not be seen
He’s defecting to the States
In his Russian submarine

Connery’s the captain of a Russian submarine
Russian submarine, Russian submarine
Why is Yakov Smirnoff not in one damn scene
Not one damn scene, not one fucking scene!

Both Tim Curry and Sam Neil
also play Russians in the cold war
Who cast this film, a drunk osprey?

Guess who else is in a Russian submarine?
Russian submarine, Russian submarine
Stellan Skarsgård, not Russian, he’s a Swede
Not Russian, he’s a Swede, he’s not Russian, he’s a Swede!

[Re-verify our range to target… one ping only!
Captain, I – I – I just…!
Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please.
Aye, Captain!]

In disbelief I had to look (I had to look)
As Alec Baldwin (As Alec Baldwin) shot a Russian cook (He shot the cook)
This film’s not great (it’s not great) go read the book (read the book)
About the Russian (About the Russian) submarine (Submarine, ha, ha)

I hope I never see a Russian submarine
On the silver screen, or even in a dream
Are there better movies about a submarine?
Yes, there’s Das Boot, Crimson Tide, and K-19?
I hope I never see a Russian submarine
On the silver screen, or even in a dream
Are there better movies about a submarine?
Yes, there’s The Abyss, and Yellow Submarine

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Categories: Reviews

One Comment on “All Things October: John McTiernan’s “The Hunt for Red October””

  1. edith cuttler
    October 20, 2014 at 6:48 pm #

    Amazing fun, this submarine…..

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