The ABCs of Death 2 Review – Another 26 of Them!

MasticateIf there’s an ABCs of Death movie you can be damn sure I’m going to review the living shit out of it, and by review the living shit out of it of course I mean I’m going to strap myself to a chair with my laptop, a thesaurus, and a box full of crackers in order to dish out a review for each of the 26 featured shorts, just like I did with part 1. Whether you asked for it or not, here it is.

four-stars4A is for Amateur (Director E.L. Katz), or A is for Armed apartment ascending audacious assailant whose assumptions of arrogantly attaining an assassination attempt as way of acrobatic air-duct access allot in agonizing apprehension. I could see this playing with Jeremy Saulnier‘s Blue Ruin, or the Coen Brothers‘ Blood Simple.

three-stars15B is for Badger (Director Julian Barratt), or B is for a Bit of buffoonery with a bratty bitchy Brit becoming a bloodthirsty bugger’s brunch. I could see this playing with Terry Gilliam & Terry JonesMonty Python and the Holy Grail or André Øvredal‘s Troll Hunter.

two-stars1C is for Capital Punishment (Director Julien Gilbey), or C is for Clumsily crafted clip of a coerced criminal confession culminating in a crude conclusion. I could see this playing with Edgar Wright‘s Hot Fuzz.

three-stars15D is for Deloused (Director Robert Morgan), or D is for Darkly deranged desecration of diffuse being disbanded, digested and displayed in disturbing stop motion dexterity. I could see this playing with David Lynch‘s Eraserhead, or Kihachiro Kawamoto‘s The Book of the Dead.

Jim-Hosking

G is for Grandad

two-stars12E is for Equilibrium (Director Alejandro Brugués), or E is for the Extended elixir endorsement ending in expressionless exultation. I could see this playing with Robert ZemeckisCast Away.

three-stars3F is for Falling (Directors Aharon Keshales & Navot Papushado), or F is for Found female fighter facing off with a fumbling fire-armed foe. I could see this playing with Quentin Tarantino‘s Inglorious Basterds.

three-stars3G is for Grandad (Director Jim Hosking), or G is for Generational gapped garb-less goofy gents glorifying gullet gushing and gonad gazing. I could see this playing with Spencer Susser‘s Hesher.

three-stars3H is for Head Games (Director by Bill Plympton), or H is for Head-to-head hand-drawn havoc and hordes of hairbrained hijinks. I could see this playing with Bill Plympton‘s Idiots and Angels.

paper-star1I is for Invisible (Director Erik Matti), or I is for Inferior submission, or I is for ill-mannered imbeciles after an invalid’s inheritance in an idiotically inane and impetuous way. I could see this playing with nothing.

one-star2J is for Jesus (Director Dennison Ramalho), or J is for just another excuse to revel in the sub-genre of torture porn. I could see this playing with Aharon Keshales & Navot Papushado‘s Big Bad Wolves.

abcs-of-death-2-image-k-is-for-knell

K is for Knell

four-stars4K is for Knell (Directors Kristina Buozyte & Bruno Samper), or K is for Keen know-how of kreating a kchillingly (the k is silent) kreepy kanvas. I could see this playing with Roman Polanski‘s The Tenant, or Ti West‘s The House of the Devil.

one-star2L is for Legacy (Director Lancelot Imasuen), or L is for Ludicrously laughable CGI that’s less exciting than looking at large luggages of lion lard. Lord have mercy. I could see this playing with Paul Maslansky‘s Sugar Hill.

two-stars1M is for Masticate (Director Robert Boocheck), or M is for Monstrous maniac of a man moving in melodic slow-motion on a malicious mayhem mauling spree. I could see this playing with Edgar Wright‘s Shaun of the Dead.

one-star2N is for Nexus (Director Larry Fessenden), or N is for Nope. Not good. Noticeably novice in nature. Next please. I could see this playing with Michael Dougherty‘s Trick ‘r Treat.

two-stars1O is for Ochlocracy (Director Hajime Ohata), or O is for Outspoken zombies overruling objections and ostentatiously outcasting offenders of the dead. I could see this playing with Jonathan Levine‘s Warm Bodies.

paper-star1P is for P-P-P-P Scary! (Director Todd Rohal), or P is for P-P-P-P Fuck off! I could see this playing with Raja Gosnell‘s Scooby-Doo.

r-is-for-roulette-2-1024x576-26-new-horrific-ways-to-die-in-the-abcs-of-death-2

R is for Roulette

two-stars1Q is for Questionnaire (Director Rodney Ascher), or Q is for Qualified quick-witted quiz taker on his way to a questionable career, with some queasiness. I could see this playing with Ken Russell‘s Altered States.

three-stars15R is for Roulette (Director Marvin Kren), or R is for Reduced to resorting resolutions with randomness, and even romance. I could see this playing with Frank Darabont‘s The Mist, or Géla Babluani‘s 13 Tzameti.

three-stars15S is for Split (Director Juan Martínez Moreno), or S is for Sorry is he who sneaks around in scandalous sexcapades, for the scorned shall seek smashingly savage revenge. Shout-out to super skillful shots showing split screens. I could see this playing with Miguel Ángel VivasKidnapped, or R. Kelly‘s Trapped in the Closet.

three-stars15T is for Torture Porn (Directors Jen & Sylvia Soska), or T is for terrifically Thoughtful trashy take on the treatment of this title’s tawdry genre. I could see this playing with Israel Luna‘s Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives, or Mitchell Lichtenstein‘s Teeth.

three-stars15U is for Utopia (Director Vincenzo Natali), or U is for Unhappy ending for an unfit, unkept, and ungainly ugly man’s unlawful existence. I could see this playing with John Carpenter‘s They Live, or Bryan ForbesThe Stepford Wives.

Y is for Youth

Y is for Youth

three-stars15V is for Vacation (Director Jerome Sable), or V is for Very violent vengeance viewed via video-phone. I could see this playing with Damon Russell‘s Snow on Tha Bluff, or Peter Berg‘s Very Bad Things.

four-stars4W is for Wish (Director Steven Kostanski), or W is for Wunderlust whimsy waning into a world of whatchamacallits, weirdos, witchcraft and warty wretches. Quite wonderful actually. I could see this playing with Steven Kostanski‘s ManborgGeorge Miller & George Ogilvie‘s Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, or Guillermo del Toro‘s Pan’s Labyrinth.

two-stars1X is for Xylophone (Directors Julien Maury & Alexandre Bustillo), or X is for… Nope, pretty sure the title of Xylophone hits the nail on the head, or in this case it hits the child’s bones on the head. I could see this playing with Tobe Hooper‘s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

five-starsY is for Youth (Director Soichi Umezawa), or Yep, you’ll have to sit through 24 other short films to see the best of the bunch. I could see this playing with François Truffaut‘s The 400 Blows (Sure, why not?).

four-stars4Z is for Zygote (Director Chris Nash), or Z is for Ze best practical makeup and effects of the entire series, easily. I could see this playing with Jan Svankmajer‘s Greedy Guts AKA Little Otik, or Andrzej Wajda‘s Possession.

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